Ever since I can remember, my mood has always been dictated by the seasons, with December to March being my particular nemesis. For starters, the icy cold pitch-black mornings certainly don’t make me want to jump out of bed at 6:30am and leave behind the comfort of my lovely warm duvet, heated blanket and snoozing cats (why yes, I am 102 years old).
Combined with driving home from work in the dark, the persistent rain, that urge to eat nothing but comfort food and wear my dressing gown at any given opportunity, I spend around four months of the year moping around like a miserable fucking slug, much to the annoyance of my long-suffering loved ones.
Since Christmas, I’ve found myself purposely pulling away from both online and ‘real’ life, even occasionally turning my phone off for a day or two. I’ve been actively ignoring my messages and those relentless What’s App notifications, letting my blog inbox pile up and generally being a massive hermit.
Solitude has always been something I need so this type of behaviour isn’t entirely new to be fair. I know that to keep my mental health and wellbeing at its best, having time alone to recharge is important. But my goodness, the winter months do seem to escalate my introvert behaviour to a whole new level and frankly, kick my arse every time.
Of course, I’m missing my friends dearly and reminiscing back to when I had loads of exciting plans that involved actually leaving the house. I spend every other day addressing the fat pangs of guilt and apologising profusely to my nearest and dearest for being such a bore, promising that I’ll be back to ‘normal’ again soon and finally be able to commit to something more than a 20-minute phone call.
By the time of the essential non-negotiables are done, such as work, food shopping, cooking, chores and general life admin, I’m left feeling depleted and simply cannot muster up the energy or motivation to do anything other than sleep.
So for now, I’m just sitting in survival mode, waiting patiently for my beloved spring to appear, bringing with it a nice little serotonin boost and flowers and green trees and sunshine and road trips and picnics and beer gardens and happier days. See you on the other side.